In the time it takes you to read this sentence 2 Americans will have their identity stolen. The recent data theft at TJ Maxx cost the company over $8 million. This theft was accomplished by a guy in a parking lot with a laptop…Fandotech today announced its entry into the Information Security Market.
Fandotech now offers information security services to companies. Offerings will include data security assessments, audits and remediation. Already Fandotech has completed data security assessments for prominent customers such as nationwide banks and large hospitals. Our work has already saved our customers an estimated $10 million.
In addition to the above information security has gained local prominence because of the recent passing of the CMR 201 statute by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. This regulation lays out minimum requirements with regards to personal and financial information for all companies that do business in Massachusetts. Fandotech will bring your company under compliance for this statute as well as current HIPAA regulations.
Daniel, the article provided good facts for the reader to enjoy. The scare tactics in the first 2 sentences should really draw your readers into your topic. I found the flow was a little choppy, especially in the first paragraph and I am not sure what the title refers to...11,000,000 people or cost or ?
ReplyDeleteI would agree with Martha it wasn't clear what the title refers to. Good job of explaining what Fandotech is but a bit more detail surrounding how it will benefit the employees themselves would be useful.
ReplyDeleteDaniel, good post. Identify theft is a huge issue but until I read the article the title did not connect for me. Great to hear of the work being accomplished by Fandotech.
ReplyDeleteThe title made me ask 11,000,000 "what" in 2009. So I read on, and the first sentence compelled me to read the rest. The switch to sales in the second paragraph wasn't unexpected. I do think you accomplished your goal in simply explaining what your company could do for a potential customer.
ReplyDeleteDaniel, your first few sentences drew me in and made me curious as to what the rest of your blog was about. That was a nice usage of an example which most of us would be familiar with. However, the excitement faded a little bit in the ladder paragraphs and i found myself drifting. Perhaps if you utilized the excitement idea or kept the reader guessing a little more it may have kept me drawn in. Overall, great job at communicating an important message.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence was good but I think you could have built up the suspense a little more with fear. I believe this could be beend done through telling a story. Identity theft is a big issue and I think you could have sold the technology to all of us if you pulled us in a little more. I do believe you used other sticky ideas by keeping the article simple and concrete.
ReplyDeleteI like the post. The first sentence drew me in the reverse pyramid scheme was easily distinguished.
ReplyDeleteCatchy but unclear what the title has to do with your post. Good information, but not very persuasive.
ReplyDeleteThe title was vague but encouraged me to continue reading. I liked the factual correlation in the first sentence. However, my attention waned toward the end. Perhaps tieing in some of the personal correlations from the beginning to the end?
ReplyDeleteI would like to ad my voice to the comment that the title gives the post a sense of mystery and makes you want to find out what the blog is about
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I liked how you draw the reader in with the fact in the title and then hit a topic that could effect anyone. It makes you want to read on to see what you have to offer.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way the post flows. The title got my attention and the the body of your post gave me a great understanding of the issue at hand.
ReplyDeleteNice job, Daniel. Good title and hook. Identity theft is not something people think about, but it is something everyone fears. Nice to know there are people out there protecting the public... and making a profit at the same time.
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