Dry socks. Yet I’m tired, wet and cold; the jungle unforgiving. The platoon moves day and night, my pack and rifle keep pace. We march on. Life passes like so many villages. Not happy at home, back to the jungle. Crack!! Smashing pain and a crimson river. Dry box.
Tragic.
ReplyDeleteThe story is fine. It puts the conditions into perspective when the shot it's target.
ReplyDeleteGreat imagery. I immediately thought of war- actually I was picturing the scene from Forrest Gump with all the rain. The story did its job.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Barbara - great imagery! My mind went through the story as I read. Good post!
ReplyDeleteNice post. The story definitely makes you think. I like your choice of words and how you framed your story with the 2-word beginning and end.
ReplyDeleteNice job with the story! I will admit, I had to read it through twice to really grasp the meaning but I like how you used a play on words to really bring everything together at the beginning and the end.
ReplyDeleteNice post. You got a lot in with so few words. I'm not sure what the dry box is though?
ReplyDeleteReally liked the story. Felt a lot of emotion.
ReplyDeleteGreat Job! I felt the drama. You did a great job drawing me in using only 50 words.
ReplyDeleteOuch! That was what I thought about when I read the sad ending. You presented the story using very concrete details that help the reader visualize what was taking place. However, I am also not sure of what you mean by 'dry box.'
ReplyDeleteThe dry box at the end was the coffin
ReplyDeleteI guess someone got hurt. It is really good because I'll be wondering for a while. I didn't make the coffin connection until I saw your comment the story is even better now. I think that's allegory?
ReplyDeleteGreat visuals, I could picture every moment in the whole story.
ReplyDeleteAlmost, nay, exactly like a poem Dan. Nice story
ReplyDeleteGreat description. Captures the realities of combat and tragic consequences in only a couple lines.
ReplyDelete